“You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
How could you become new if you haven’t first become ashes?"- Nietzsche
I am not afraid to embrace my dark and macabre side. I have no sense of identity,so I sit in the shadows and watch the world evolve. I grow wiser with each passing day. I'm a lost soul and a free spirit on a spiritual quest towards enlightenment and self discovery. I'm also an empath, I have too much love in my heart and it weighs me down. I tried to destroy myself; and grew wiser in the depths of despair and self destruction, now I must conquer the demons within.
"It's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven"
So I was lurking around Myspace for an unknown reason. I don’t even have an account anymore, but I used my fake one to lurk old friends profiles. I found this picture of me from when I was sixteen on this one guys profile, followed by an array of comments from people calling me a slut, a bitch and a tramp. People were cunts. People still remain to be cunts, nothing has changed. Seeing those comments just reinforced what an outsider I was in my school years, and what an outsider I will continue to be for the remainder of my life.
thank you random Asian Lancome makeup artist for making me look reasonable again. I can leave the house without a paper bag now. If only I had a personal makeup artist everyday of the week… Love, me xoxo
I am a hot mess. A rare weekend fueled by intoxication and inebriation has ensured my memory has escaped me. Why I was in Kings Cross eludes me. Once again I am reminded that moderation is not something I have a firm grasp upon, especially in regards to drugs and alcohol. The exact reason I never go out, i cannot control myself, my motto is go hard or go home. There is no grey area. Right now my body hates me for slaughtering it with a concoction of chemicals, I embody death, so i think I will be staying home with a good book and avoiding temptation in future.
i had a huge fight with my boyfriend this morning and now i can’t stop crying. i am an emotional wreck and nobody wants to spend time with an emotional nightmare like me, being alone is intolerable right now.. fuck my life. :(
I got my hair done today! It is purple when I am in the sunlight :) Now I am about to catch a bus into the city to meet my boyfriend so we can go to a gathering tonight where everybody hates me and thinks I am a psycho bitch. This will be awkward/amusing.